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How To Be Unhealthy

How to be Unhealthy

I originally wanted to write about being healthy but there is nothing new about everything you need to know to be healthy.  However, just in case you avoid those preachy fitness magazines, I’ll tell you in one sentence what you need to do to be healthy: Eat right, exercise, get plenty of sleep and accept the fact that toxic people in your life are little evil drones who are dumped on this earth for bad entertainment.  So now I tell you how to be unhealthy.

  1. Avoid sleep.  A lack of sleep will make you cranky and cause you to eat food that only an inmate on death row would request.  It can also make you drowsy and more likely to fall down a flight of stairs or a rattlesnake hole if you live in Texas.
  2. Life insurance ratesWelcome stress into your life.  Go read articles on the internet that ruffle your feathers or remain friends with that one person who you wish would get deported to another planet.  Don’t forgive anyone for anything.  Not even that dumb driver in front of you who took 5 seconds too long to go when the light turned green.
  3. Don’t brush your teeth.  This should be really easy to do.  Bad dental hygiene leads to bad breath which leads to people, including your loved ones, avoiding you which leads to isolation which leads to anger which leads to violence which leads to jail time and eating bad jail food and jail food is very unhealthy.
  4. Invest in a comfortable couch.  Whoa!  Where did that one come from?  A study done by the Omish Journal of Physical Medicine1 found that people who had comfortable couches increased their risk by 39% to living sedentary lifestyles, also known as ‘couch potato’.  Adding Netflix and a bag of chips and salsa to that mix increases it even more.
  5. Meet with a pushy life insurance agent.  This is so stressful for most folks and it’s the #6 reason why they don’t bother examining their current life insurance needs or purchase life insurance.  You would think with the internet and information technology someone would be smart enough to invent an awesome search tool that finds the best rates from reputable companies without having to talk to an agent first.  Well, we are smart.  We are not Harvard smart, but smart enough to have this beautiful near-genius search tool that will give you those life insurance rates.  Go ahead and give it test try here. Yes, right here. Click anywhere here.

Now these are just some ideas on how to be unhealthy but there is no guarantee.  I had a cousin who ate junk, drank cheap alcohol, smoked unfiltered cigarettes and still lived a good 37 years.

At, we hope you avoid these unhealthy habits and live long happy life.


1  I desperately needed a study like this so I made it up.

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